"Hey God, It's not you, it's me."

I've been to mass exactly once this calendar year, and it wasn't even Easter.  But when someone asks me my religion, I lift my chin an indiscernible amount and say, "Catholic" wholeheartedly.  And when someone on my social networking page alludes to some universally Catholic notion, I make sure to post comments so that I can feel included in the club even though I'm way behind on dues.  I've been trying to figure out what happened. 

In the past, I felt as though I could...or should...appreciate my faith more since I am not a cradle Catholic, but I actually CHOSE to be a Catholic and went through a faith-based initiation for adults for 7 or 8 months before actually being allowed to fully express my faith (you know, eat the wafers and drink the wine).  I spent months looking for a church community that I liked after moving away from my RCIA initiation church.  It was a tough transition for me, but I made it, found a church and pastor that I really liked.  Even joined the choir for a year or so and really liked it. 

It's so easy to say that I stopped going because I had my first child and then the second 11 months later.  But isn't this the very reason I should be going more than ever?  Huge life changing events, schedule upheavals, receiving the keys to Stress City?  I know I have a thing about control, but even I'm not dumb enough to think I shouldn't ask God for help.  In fact, if anyone can help me, it's him.  And I realize I need him.  And I miss him. Well, I miss something.  I'm not sure it's God I miss, because I do still sort of talk to God.  Not sure I'd call it prayer, exactly.  I'm just not connecting somehow.  "Hey God, it's not you, it's me". 

I've decided to use this blog to find my way back.  Research.  Dig into my feelings.  Make it funny, sure.  I won't be able to blog if it's not funny.  But also to find some lasting faith-based traditions to pass onto my boys who surely need God as much as I do.  You're welcome to tag along.